Friday, September 28, 2012

POLITICAL FIX: CONGRESS: DONKEYS VS. ELEPHANTS…THE BRAWL FOR IT ALL, AT LEAST UNTIL 2014



By: Fake R&B Thug



Some people assume and even I at one time stupidly thought that part of the President's executive powers allowed him to create laws. That is not the case. The U.S. Congress has the legislative power that enables them to make and enact laws. The President in turn has the executive power to veto (reject) those laws. 

Now the structure of Congress' law-making goes a little something like this; the House introduces a bill and if it is passed it then goes to the Senate. The Senate usually amends the bill and if that amended bill is passed in the Senate, the amended bill is then sent back to the House for approval of said amendments. Once approved, the amended bill is sent to the President for his approval. If the President approves the bill then he signs it into law. 

Ok, that's an enough of my separation of powers lecture for today.  

The 2012 election year has some Congressional races that could hold the key to this country’s future.
All 435 congressional seats and 31 senatorial seats in are up in 2012. There is no way in hell I am going to break down all 466 seats up for grabs because for, 1) my name is not Charlie Cook and 2) I'm lazy!

The Republicans control the house and will lose some seats in this upcoming election because they have been doing a shitty job serving the people of this country. Now Nancy Pelosi, the minority leader of the House thinks that the Democrats can take over the House, but only if the Democrats win the 25 seats they need to regain power. Now as much as I love Nancy Pelosi, I don’t think that is possible this year. Let me explain my love for Nancy....Mrs. Pelosi if you're nasty!

She became the first female speaker of the House in 2007 and has been targeted by the mostly male Republican base ever since. The right-wing REALLY hates her because she is strong --they basically hate all strong women. However, another reason why the right-wing  hates Nancy Pelosi is because of she has balls...bigger than a majority of her male hate club. Pelosi is not scared to pass bills that increase minimum wages or that reform healthcare. She is wiser, smarter and tougher than any man in her party and the opposing party and that’s why I love her!  If you are man and are scared off by a strong woman who speaks her mind and stands her ground then you are a pussy and/or Republican!

I like to digress for a second and talk about some Republican-backed Super PACs and their shady donors.

Dark Money is not the name of Diddy’s new music group that will fail to sell records like his last group. Dark Money is in reference to the Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission case that allows corporations to give unlimited amounts of money to Super PACs for elections. Those Super PACs are mainly funded by Republican leaning groups and billionaires. Now if you do a search for Super PACs a couple of names will appear such as Crossroads GPS (grassroots policy strategies), a group headed by  Karl Rove, a former advisor for George W. Bush; Americans for Prosperity, a group headed by two wealthy oil magnets from Texas who are tied as the fourth richest men in the world, the Koch brothers and Sheldon Adelson, a casino magnet who does not have a Super PAC but has given over $70 million of his money to PACs.

Karl Rovethe Koch brothers and Sheldon Adelson all have different motives for why they fund these Super PACs. Rove wants to be a king maker again after getting W elected, the Koch brothers want less government regulations imposed on their energy companies and Adelson wants a puppet who will bomb Iran into the dark ages. These groups are going to spend at least $1 billion on TV ads to oust President Obama and his democratic allies in Congress.

Now let’s break down some of the Senate races...because I said so!


Montana

Senator Jon Tester is a nice moderate Democrat rocking a flat-top haircut from Montana who in 2006 pulled off a huge upset winning the wave elections of the same year. Tester is one of the politicians being targeted by outside money groups who want the Republicans to take over the US Senate. Tester's opponent is Denny Rehberg, a man who thinks government is the enemy (even though he is a part of the government) and lobbyists are great. He is currently a Congressman in Montana and also the 62nd richest member of Congress. Montana voters are open minded voters, but I have a feeling those outside groups are going to flood the airwaves with negative ads against Tester.

Connecticut

This race pits Congressman Chris Murphy against Linda McMahon. If you are asking yourself why the name McMahon sounds familiar it is because she is the wife of WWE CEO Vince McMahon Jr. Also, Linda once upon a time was the CEO of WWE.  This race is interesting because Murphy a Democrat is in a toss-up race against Republican McMahon in liberal Connecticut. McMahon ran in 2010 for the Senate and got smoked by Gov. Richard Blumenthal, who was the sitting governor at the time... and a liar! Although, Blumenthal lied about his war record in Vietnam, he still won the election because the majority of people in Connecticut loved him. Murphy is not known state-wide and McMahon has learned from her mistakes in 2010. Now I think it would be horrible for Linda McMahon to be a US Senator because she and her husband do not care about the average working (wo)man. The McMahon's are the same people who would not:
  1. allow their wrestlers to form a union, and
  2. offer their wrestlers health insurance BUT made them work OVER 250 days smashing their heads into tables, ladders and chairs
Also, reportedly 30% of the wrestlers of the 80s are dead because of use of anabolic steroids and/or drugs Since 2002, at least 28 athletes who worked for Linda McMahon's WWE died before reaching the age of 50 from suicide, drug overdose, heart attacks and other medical causes. 

Trust me when I say, if Linda McMahon is elected the first bill she'll likely introduce will be about reducing the criminalization of use of anabolic steroids and human growth hormone (HGH).

Wisconsin

The match-up:  a new American vs. old school Republican; former Gov. Tommy Thompson is facing openly gay Congresswoman Tammy Baldwin. Gov. Thompson is the former Governor of Wisconsin and the former Secretary of Health and Human Services under President Bush (W). Thompson is an old school Republican who believes in working together with Democrats to fix government. This race seemed based on the real issues and void of mudslinging until Thompson started making sly statements about Baldwin's sexuality...desperate times, call for desperate measures.

Virginia

The Senate race in Virginia is the closets of all the election races this year --former Virginia Gov. George Allen, Jr. vs. former Virginia Gov. Time Kaine. As a person who lives in DC, I have seen a lot of ads about these two individuals. Allen is the son of former Washington Redskin head coach George Allen (his brother Bruce is currently the General Manager of Redskins). Some saw George Jr. as a potential presidential candidate in 2008, but a funny thing happened in 2006, he lost.

In 2006, Allen ran for reelection in the Senate and fucked up big time when he called a young man of Indian descent who was working as a tracker for Allen's opponent campaign a macaca, which means depending on how it is spelled, either a monkey that inhabits the Eastern Hemisphere or a town in South Africa. In some European cultures, macaca is also considered a racial slur against African immigrants. His opponent won the race in a very close election that was not decided until 3 days after the election.

Kaine is the former head of the Democratic National Committee (DNC), hand-picked by President Obama. In 2011 when current Virginia Senator Jim Webb aka the weak ass lazy pussy, announced that he would not be running for reelection, President Obama begged Kaine to leave his post at the DNC and run for Senate. Kaine, a loyal solider, quit the DNC and launched his senatorial campaign. This race has also been targeted by outside groups because a lot people know that this may be the last statewide election that Republicans can win. Virginia is no longer as red as a hillbillies’ neck, it is actually becoming a very solid blue for the Dems thanks in large part to Northern Virginia!

Massachusetts

The fighter for the middle-class vs. a Cosmo model with a truck, Harvard Professor Elizabeth Warren is running against Senator Scott Brown. Scott Brown won a special election in early 2010 for the vacant seat of decease Senator Edward M. Kennedy. Brown beat an absolute loser who I won’t mention because there is no way a Democrat should lose Ted Kennedy’s seat to a know-nothing Republican in Massachusetts. After the win, conservatives, Republicans and other right-wing idiots declared healthcare reform dead because the Democrats no longer had a filibuster-proof majority in the US Senate.

However, my love --Nancy Pelosi, proved it ain't over 'til you are the Senate Liaison for Mitt Romney's presidential campaign (a campaign who doesn't believe members of the LGBT community deserve equal rights) and are caught soliciting sex from an undercover male cop in an airport bathroom*forced the President and the Democrats in the Senate to pass it through reconciliation. Professor Warren was appointed as chair of the Congressional Oversight Panel which oversees the implementation of the Emergency Economic Stabilization Act*. Warren has long advocated for the creation of a new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. The Bureau was established by the Dodd–Frank Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act, signed into law by President Obama in July 2010.

The GOP hated Warren because they knew she would bring new regulations to make sure what happened during the mortgage crisis never happened again. So, the GOP blocked Warren's appointment as the director of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. On July 2011, Professor Warren announced her candidacy for Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat!

Missouri

The lame duck vs. the f'n idiotSenator Claire McCaskill is running for reelection and her opponent this year is Congressman Todd Akin. Missouri the once proud bellwether state is now becoming more redder than two hillbillies' neck. McCaskill's seat has been targeted by Republicans as the seat that can help them take over the US Senate. McCaskill's loss seemed inevitable until Akin opened his stupid fucking mouth.

Akin went on some local TV news show in that awful state and when asked his views on abortion in the case of rape and incest. This ignorant momo said that a baby cannot be conceived from "forcible rape" because the female body has ways of shutting that down. When that video went viral every Republican under the sun ask Akin to drop out of  the race for 2 reasons:
  1. they see their chances of taking over the Senate evaporating and
  2. this is what the Republican Party actually thinks and they don't want to scare voters away from their party.
It should also be noted, that Akin and Republican Vice Presidential nominee Paul Ryan have sponsored bills in the House that have language about abortion and forcible rape. These fucking dodo birds actually believe that if a women is being raped her body will produce venom that will kill the rapist's sperm...Jesus take the wheel! Naturally after Akin's statements on "forcible rape," McCaskill began to lead in the polls, but I believe in October the GOP and their Super PACs will start pouring money into Akin's campaign because they really want the Missouri seat.

P.S. When I called Missouri an awful state, I meant it! There is no reason to live in Missouri. If I were forced to move to East St. Louis, I would have to become a pimp or a Nelly fan. If I were forced to move to Kansas City, I would have to become a blues singer or Meth dealer and I don't like Wild Turkey or busted looking white women. Speaking of Nelly, I heard him and the St. Lunatics are performing at the East St. Louis YMCA...just 2 feet away from their cots.

The End.

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