Monday, January 18, 2010

THE GOLDEN GLOBES' RED CARPET FLICKS

Posted by: Roxxanne Roxxanne

The Golden Globes went down tonight at the Beverly Hills Hotel in Los Angeles and we have some flicks of your favorite celebs on the red carpert.

I have to admit, I was less than impressed with a majority of the gowns worn tonight on the red carpet. I feel like most of the celebs knew it was going to rain and just said "PHUCK IT, I'mma just put this joint on!"

My apologies in advance for my lack of enthusiam, but if you celebs don't care about how you look, why should we? Next time, do us all a favor and stay your a$$ at  home if you can't come better...cause it really is a waste of our time! Signed: Roxxanne Bittermuch Roxxanne!

We hear at The Chick Fix would like to give a round of applause to our girl Monique for her Golden Globe win for Best Supporting Actress for her role as Mary Jones in Precious. For a complete list of winners click here.


Monique is all smiles while posing with her Golden Globe award. Sidebar: I love you to death Nique Nique, but those hairy a$$ arms our NOT the business (this is coming from a fellow hairy-armed girl...dag now you got me all self-conscious about ever wearing a sleeveless ANYTHING!


Nique Nique & her hubby

Sandra Bullock...just WHY??? I mean not only have you RUINED my favorite color for me tonight, but this dress looks cheap as shit! What type of material is that...Rayon? I forgive you and congratulations on your Best Actress win tonight!

 Chloe Sevigny, one of my top 5's (bias much?) pulled off this Valentino gown effortlessly. This dress would have looked like straight RUFFLE FOOLISHNESS on most women (and trannys). Congratulations to Chloe for her Best Actress in a Supporting Role win for Big Love!

 
Christina Augilera looked pretty darn smashing in her peach-metal hardware Versace gown.This is the BEST I've ever seen Xtina look...what a difference the removal of some hooker-red lipstick can make! I also take back what I said about her new haircut...it actually looks MARVELOUS darling now that you let a professional style it!


A visibly pregnant Paula Patton and her husband Robin Thicke hit the red carpets. They were one of the few glimmers of hope on the red carpet tonight.



How phucking cute is Ginnifer Goodwin in her new pixie cut? The cut, makeup and jewels really boost her royal blue gown from just "ok" to "damn whoadie, that's the hotness rightcher!"

HATED IT! Fergie wearing a lavender gown by Eli Saab posed on the red carpet with her hubby Josh Duhamel. Fergie's dress is giving me small town beauty pageant contestant. Josh who is usually a bun looks all sweaty, pervy and just plain BASIC (© Lil Duval)...phuckhappenedtoyou?

 Zoe Saldana donned a Louis Vuitton gown, HATED IT! I want to dig her and her style for that matter.... but I feel NOTHING (sorry)!

Precious star, Gabourey "Gabby" Sidibe posed for the camera on the red carpet. Sadly, not even her killer smile and winning personality could win me over on that GREEN MONSTROSITY of a gown. Please don't be mad Gabs, I'm just being honest!

 *Psst* you should have won tonight for your role as Precious (come on Sandra B, you already know what is and what it ain't!).


Kate Hudson wore probably my favorite look of the night! I absolutely LOVE this Marchesa dress! Kate not so much! She has that rare quality (or lackthereof) of looking real trailerish in the most exquisite gown.

 Whew! That dress is not a game...the shoes on the other hand is like Uno on steriods...and that's so laaammmmme!
 Mike Tyson and his wife look pretty good. He still scares the boo boo out of me...look at that scowl, sad part is he's actually smiling...YIKES! The top of Iron Mike wife's dress is so tight she looks like she has third undeveloped boob growing out of her arm pit...Ew!

 Jennifer Aniston stuck to her signature: classic lines and basic black look...and it works for her. She looks BEAUTIFUL!
Mariah and Nick hit up Globes in support of MiMi's film Precious. The couple look great and disappointly too safe considering MiMi usual attire. Thank the good lord MiMi's sallys look like they are about to make a mad dash or all would have been lost!

George Clooney and his latest girlfriend hit up the Globes. Clooney looks like a blind Moses (damn can you see patna?) and his new boo...tattoos + gowns = BASIC! I see someone is trying to give Tiny and dem a run for their money!


 My girl Amy Adams will not, I repeat, NOT be exempt from getting joan'd on just because she is pregnant. The green Carolina Herrera dress matches your eyes perfectly...but the buck stops there! Who in DE-HELL gassed (don't gass me up, I like running on E!) you up to wear that ill-fitted dress complete with bronze color shoes, purse and broche foolishness...they DON'T LIKE YOU AND YOU NEED TO RID YOURSELF of them STAT!

 Amy Poehler and her husband Will Arnett...I love her and she's funny as phuck, but do we really care?

 Anna Kendrick from whoreallycares looked AMAZING in this Marchesa dress!

True Blood star Anna Paquin and her co-star/fiance Stephen Moyer were snapped on the red carpet. Even though her dress would normally be a little too busy and glittery for my taste, I really like her dress...the shoes NOT so much!

Cameron Diaz could easily have been the winner for "Phuck it! It's raining, so I'm just going to wear this joint!" Lucky for her someone is a little bit more deserving of the crown.

Christina Hendricks (your guess is as good as mine!) donned a Christian Siriano (Project Runway winner) original...HATED IT! It's peach, rufflely (yes, I'm aware it's not a word.) and looks to be made of cheap material...I'm having a Nigerian flower girl flashback!

 Courtney Cox and hubby David Arquette...clean lines and beautifully constructed...SNORE! Sike, they look nice and safe.
 Diane Kruger wore a fushia Christian Lacroix ruffled chiffon dress...HATED IT! What the phuck was up with all these ruffles and 80's inspired prom dresses hitting the red carpet? I'm not the least bit amused!

Drew Barrymore's face is beat to perfection...such a pretty girl! However, I'm not a fan of nude glittery gowns...and that adornment attached to the side of her hip looks hazardous to her health...try again!

Heidi Klum and hubby Seal attended the Golden Globes. As for Hiedi's dress...just NO! Color, design and Edward Scissor Hands inspired tool at bottom of her dress...just quit while you're behind!

Emily Blunt in a "I feel like I've seen you in this type of gown several times" Dolce & Gabbana gown...NEXT!


 Jennifer Garner...SNORE!

Julia Roberts' golden locks, chunky statement piece necklace and black gold rimmed shoes really make her look pretty fresh! BRAVA!

 Leona Lewis in Roberto Cavalli...SNORE! You should have had a personal steamer on deck at all times!
 Maggie Gyllenhaal = sickly much? Look at her face...she don't even want to be there, I don't blame you!

 
 Nicole Kidman just gave up! Whoever dressed you MOST DEFINITELY doesn't want you to succeed in life and hopes that all the bad things in life happen to you and only you!

 Olivia Wilde in Gucci. I bet cash money this dress would have looked great on someone with curves to fill out the dress but instead we got this!

 Penelope Cruz in a "I feel like I've seen you in this type of gown several times" dress. Her hair and make-up is to die for though!

 Tina Fey wore a Zac Posen dress and I'm actually digging the dress...not on her so much! And those champaign colored Louboutins do NOTHING for her dress. I know it's usually the opposite, but I acutually think she looks cuter with her glasses on.



 Sofia Vegra the jury is still out…

 Vanessa Minillo last and certainly LEAST! The winner of "Phuck it! It's raining, so I'm just going to wear this joint!" This Charlotte Russe-inspired get up is just phucking WRONG on so many levels. Shit, I heard you and Nick were hard up for cash, but dag I didn't know it was this bad. More importantly, why in DE-HELL was you even at the Golden Globes? See, you set yourself up cause you know you had no business there. Yall ain't making moves like that! You brought it on yourself and therefore I have no sympathy for you...NOW GET!!!



Pictures courtesy of Getty Images and Just Jared

2 comments:

  1. I could have agreed with you MORE!!!!

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  2. LMAO...ROTFL....I love all the "hated it comments...but the comment of the day is " George Clooney looking a blind Moses......CAN YOU SEE PATTNA"....I am dying right now.....you bout to make me pee on my self Roxanne.

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